I know rejection hurts. I’ve had my fair share of it throughout my life so far. The past two years (almost to the day) have brought two major rejections that I honestly never imagined happening. I wrote about how God was using the first major rejection here. That rejection brought forth The Fruit of the Spirit graphic and blogroll.  And just today I learned of the second major rejection. I’m still a little shocked about it, and my heart hurts almost to the point of actual physical pain.

There’s something else I know though: God has promised to never leave me or forsake me. Deuteronomy 31:8 reads:

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

It’s hard not to be discouraged when a major rejection happens. Today I have questioned something that I thought was true all of my life. My perception of who I am has been altered. My eyes have been opened to a lie, a deception that I have held as a truth until now. One of my greatest fears has been realized, and my world has been rocked just a little bit.

I’ve shed some tears today. I’m sure I will shed more tears in the days to come. When I was taking classes to earn my Biblical counseling certificate, I learned there are 7 general stages of grief: shock & denial, pain & guilt, anger & bargaining, depression, the upward turn, reconstruction, and finally acceptance. These stages aren’t written in stone, they’re just a general guide of what to expect. When I wrote Fruit last April, I think I was probably somewhere between depression and acceptance. Regarding today’s discovery, I’m all over the chart.

But way deep down inside, at the very core of my being, there is peace, and even joy. I know that God is using this situation for my good. He tells me so in Romans, chapter 8, verse 28:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

In my post Fruit, I wrote this:

I have a heavenly Father who I can run to with every tear, every emotional hurt, every disappointment. Every time one of those hurts begins to bubble up in me, I can crawl into my Father’s arms, and He comforts me. He reminds me that “hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, (and) selfish ambition” are acts of the sinful nature. He reminds me that “those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature………keep in step with the Spirit.” It doesn’t mean that the hurt is completely gone, but what that gentle reminder helps me to do is to forgive, and every time that same hurt comes bubbling up again, it’s easier and easier to just let it go.

I still believe it. I stand by that statement. I know eventually this fresh wound will begin to heal. I don’t know how long it will take, but I have faith in God. No matter what wounds other people inflict on me, God will never leave me nor forsake me. He promised ~ and I believe without a shadow of a doubt His Word is Truth. His Truth is that He loves me; He goes before me. I need not be afraid; I need not be discouraged. No matter what.

“Now, that work which is of most importance to society is the bringing-up and instruction of the children – in the school, certainly, but far more in the home, because it is more than anything else the home influences brought to bear upon the child that determine the character and career of the future man or woman. It is a great thing to be a parent : there is no promotion, no dignity, to compare with it. The parents of but one child may be cherishing what shall prove a blessing to the world. But then, entrusted with such a charge, they are not free to say ‘I may do as I will with mine own.’ The children are, in truth, to be regarded less as personal property than as public trusts, put into the hands of parents that they may make the very most of them for the good of society. And, this responsibility is not equally divided between the parents : it is upon the mothers of the present that the future of the world depends, in even a greater degree than upon the fathers, because it is the mothers who have the sole direction of the child’s early, most impressionable years. This is why we hear so frequently of great men who had good mothers – that is, mothers who brought up their children themselves, and did not make over their gravest duty to indifferent persons.” Charlotte Mason, 1893, “Home Education”, pages 1 & 2.

The thing is, the book groups I joined and was writing reviews for have changed the rules recently. I still get books for free, and I still have to write a review.  But I can’t publish the reviews on a site set up JUST for book reviews. That’s what I was doing, and to be honest it was working pretty well. I was getting good traffic ~ people who read my personal blog don’t necessarily want to read my book reviews, and vice versa. There are some people who read both my book review blog and my personal blog. But the book groups have decided that overall the sites that are dedicated strictly to book reviews aren’t good enough. So they’re requiring that the book reviews be published on a blog that is not JUST a book review blog, and one that gets a certain amount of minimal traffic. *sigh*

I won’t be publishing a lot of reviews after the new year. I promise. Only the occasional review. I’m being extremely picky about which books I request. I get lots of offers ~ there are usually two or three book offers in my email box every day (and no, I’m not kidding about that….once you get started in this hobby and are pretty well established, your name and email address get passed around between publishers like wildfire).

For now, please just be patient. Skip over the reviews if you’re not interested ~ scroll down and see if there are any new posts that you haven’t read under the review. I am publishing more here than just reviews. I know it seems as though I’ve been posting a lot of reviews here lately. Once I get through the books I’ve requested for December and January the number of reviews should slow down significantly.

I will be publishing a review of Brandilyn Collins’ newest release, Dark Pursuit, on Wednesday. That’s one you won’t want to miss.

I’m also still working on getting a new design for my blog up and running. For now I’m using the Christmas template design I purchased last year from Barefoot Blogs. I really like it, but of course it’s only good for the Christmas season. Hopefully I’ll have a new blog design before the Christmas season is over!

John and Grace to You management have made this change because we believe that in uncertain times—an historic presidential election, a struggling economy, and multiplying threats to peace and stability around the world—there’s no reason to restrict the message of the gospel and its eternal certainty to those who can afford to pay for it or to those whose governments allow it….Please pray for His blessing as we step out in boldness to penetrate past economic and political barriers globally so that the glory of God’s name might be expanded exponentially.

Just click here to go to the Grace to You website ~ you’ll find the link to the sermon vault there!

I haven’t been able to write my thanksgiving posts.

I haven’t been able to catch up on the of the Fruit of the Spirit blog nominations.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner, and a wonderful Thanksgiving Day. We’ve put the Christmas lights on the house and bushes, and decorated just about as much as I’m going to decorate this year. I have a few other things going on in my life that are more important than turning my house into a winter wonderland. (Although, I would love to be able to do that this year!)

I’ll work on things as I’m able. I have several book review posts that are due ~ those will be on time (hopefully!!).

My family and I appreciate your continued prayer; we’ve been given a lot this year ~ a lot to deal with, but a whole lot more blessings than problems…….I can’t wait to see how God works in our lives in the new year coming up!

This year I neglected to get out my holiday planner. I’ve been a little distracted with my daughter and granddaughter, so it’s understandable. But now I’m starting to feel that crazy like my head might explode -ness again. I hate that feeling.

This year I am NOT prepared.

• I was not prepared to find my daughter
• I was not prepared to become a nana
• I was not prepared to have my daughter and her fiance move into my house
• I was not prepared to have my daughter and her fiance break up shortly after the birth of their child
• I was not prepared for my granddaughter’s father to move back to Minnesota
• I was not prepared to have a baby in my house
• I was not prepared for said baby to be so unbelievably sweet that I would fall head-over-heels in love with her the moment she was born
• I was not prepared to spend the majority of every day tending to said sweet baby
• I was not prepared for my oldest son to move 4 hours away
• I was not prepared for my youngest son to begin the transition of becoming a man
• I was not prepared for all of the “new experiences” that have come with finding and living with my daughter and granddaughter

Today as Roger and I scrambled to put together the menu and grocery list for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, I realized just how unprepared I am for next Thursday’s family dinner. It dawned on me that I have NOT been keeping track of all of the things the Lord has done in my life over the past year that I am thankful for. I have neglected being thankful on a daily basis. The past 10 months have brought major change and major upheaval into my life. But I know that change and upheaval was just the way God would have it. And I have NOT shown Him the thankfulness that is due Him.

So, you can count on seeing a thankfulness post from me sometime in the next week. I’m going to write down all of the things I’m thankful for, pray over them, and ask the Lord which of those I should share. This is an exercise I’m truly looking forward to ~ I’m thankful to be able to be thankful…

Ashley and I began doing research on cloth diapers, just to see what was available. Wow ~ we were blown away by the abundance of information, and the popularity of cloth diapering! I came across Autumn Beck’s blog; Autumn writes about cloth diapers and I learned quite a lot from her. Cloth diapering has evolved since my sons were babies. And the changes are fantastic!

When my boys were little, I didn’t put much thought into how I was washing their cloth diapers. After reading Autumn’s blog, and doing lots of other independent research (here’s an example), I was convinced I needed to make sure I was washing Attison’s diapers properly. We have a septic system, so what we put into our waste water is very important ~ and even though in the long run cloth diapering is much less expensive than using disposable diapers, the initial outlay for the diapers can be tough on the ol’ pocketbook. I figured if we were going to spend that much money (about $400 total, which is super, super cheap compared to disposable diapers!) up front, I wanted to make sure we were doing everything we could to extend the life of the diapers as well as keep them in tip-top operating shape.

I learned that the laundry soap and detergents we buy at the local grocery store can be disastrous for cloth diapers. So I bought a laundry soda that was free of all of the additives that can harm cloth diapers. Last week we were getting close to the bottom of that bag of laundry soda, and I needed to get more. I remembered a post that Autumn wrote about a cloth diaper detergent called Crunchy Clean. To be honest, I wasn’t completely convinced the cloth diapers were getting as clean as they really should be using the special laundry soda and two wash cycles every time the diapers were washed.

I got online and found the Crunchy Clean site. I ordered the 136 load bag of cloth diaper detergent, completely scent free (I’m very sensitive to scents, and Atti has very sensitive skin). A package from the work-at-home-mom who’s behind Crunchy Clean arrived in my mailbox a couple of days ago. When I opened the package, I discovered two bags of laundry detergent. One bag of Green Detergent, scented with Oatmeal Milk & Honey, and a bag of Diaper Detergent scented with “Baby Bee.” The fragrances were pleasant, but I knew that the Oatmeal Milk & Honey was too strong of a scent for me, and I wanted to make sure I didn’t add any irritants to Atti’s diapers by using a scented detergent on her diapers.

I sent Crunchy Clean an email explaining the mix up, and asked if I could send the two bags I received back to them in exchange for the Diaper Detergent completely scent free.

I just received Crunchy Clean’s response to my email. Let me tell you, the response I received from the mom who makes the detergents was so pleasant, kind, and had the “the customer is always right” mentality of running a business. She told me to go ahead and keep the two bags of detergent I have already received and she would ship me the correct detergent right away (and I know she did, because about two minutes later I received a confirmation from Pay Pal that my order had been shipped!). She also suggested I give away the two bags of detergent she shipped to me by mistake, perhaps to someone in need. I think that’s a great idea, and exactly what I intend to do.

Here’s a hearty, “Hurrah!” shout out to Crunchy Clean ~ you’re running your business the old fashioned way, and it’s a breath of fresh air to find a company that actually values its customers!

If you’re looking for some really great laundry detergent that has a gizillion scent choices and is actually green, I suggest you read Autumn’s post about Crunchy Clean. I know you’ll want to click over to the Crunchy Clean website and order some of their laundry detergent for yourself!

Yesterday Roger was offered a job! I can’t give any details out yet, but if he wants this particular job, it’s his. So now we just need to know if that’s the route God has for us, or if He has something else in mind. We have a lot of praying about this left to do ahead of us ~ but Roger feels a million times better just knowing there’s a job with his name on in if he needs it!

The world has turned upside down. That’s the only explanation I have! Things have been topsy turvey around here, much like a roller coaster ride. Jacob and Ashley broke up a while ago, and Jacob moved in with a friend temporarily. Things went along, not well, but not horribly, for a while. A lot of things happened, which I won’t publish on the internet for all to see ~ their private lives and relationship should remain private. Attison and Ashley have been well-taken care of living here with us. This past Monday, Jacob decided to go back to Minnesota. He packed up the car (which we bought for him, and which he was supposed to be paying us back for) and just took off. I’m not too happy about the decision he made, but it’s done and overwith, so there’s not a lot I can do about it.

That has been the majority of the topsy turvey-ness. It has been difficult, as you can imagine, but we’re coping well overall.

Attison is growing like a weed, and is such a little cutie. She has a major attitude at times ~ especially if you dare to take the bottle out of her mouth to burp her! ~ but she has a sense of humor, and her little belly laughs are just too funny.

Ashley and I have been sick, and we think Atti may have caught our cold as well. We took her to the doctor yesterday, and she said Atti’s ears and lungs are clear, so we’re good for now. She hasn’t been coughing all that much; mostly she just fusses.

Patrick is at college, and seems to be doing well. We are expecting him home this weekend. He wants me to take him clothes shopping. Can you imagine ~ an 18 year old male WANTING his mother to take him clothes shopping?! I’m pretty psyched. Ariel may be coming for the weekend as well ~ we’ll have a very full house.

Sawyer’s working away at school. We decided on Sonlight’s civics and government curriculum, as well as Apologia’s advanced biology (anatomy and physiology), and Teaching Textbook’s algebra II. The Bible part of Sonlight’s program is pretty hefty, but Sawyer seems to be enjoying it. We’re still involved in co-op; Sawyer’s taking Spanish and a leadership class. He’s also involved in choir, taking French horn lessons, and active in 2 youth groups. Oh, and let’s not forget the newest addition to an already over-crowded schedule ~ hapkido. He voluntarilly goes to hapkido 3 times a week to get his butt kicked.

Ashley is studying to take the GED as well as studying for the driver’s license test. Once she finishes her GED testing, we plan to enroll her in college. With a baby, she’ll probably need to take online classes, but that would actually work well for her.

I have some pictures from last week that I need to get off my camera’s memory card onto my computer. Once I’ve done that I’ll post them. Attison is definitely a little red head. Her eyes are still blue, but they may be changing to green. I don’t know yet. She’s a cutie, that’s for sure.

That’s about as summarized as I can get about the events that have taken place during my (what seemed to me to be forever) absence. I’m hoping to have time to catch up with all of my bloggy friends!

You’re probably wondering who Maggie and Tyler are. Maggie is Ashley’s best childhood friend. They’ve know each other since they were 5. Maggie is here visiting until Wednesday. She’s an extremely talented artist; she’s also the person who took all of those pictures of Ashley I initially had before I met her. Maggie got her camera out tonight and took a few pictures of Attison on her changing table being mesmerized by the Classic Pooh mobile. I’m hoping that over the next few days she will take lots and lots of pictures.

Tyler is a new friend, I guess you could say. His family owns the Mountain Mudd kiosk in the little town where I live. It’s pretty close to my house, so I go there ~ a lot. I’m sort of addicted to vanilla breves. And Tyler makes really good vanilla breves. He’s Ashley and Maggie’s age. He and Ashley were talking one day and she mentioned that she has always wanted to go to Graceland ~ she’s a huge Elvis fan. Tyler said he wanted to go too ~ so Ashley invited him to come along with us! LOL We’re taking off in the Suburban six and a half hours from now. I sure do wish that Ambien would kick in so I could go to bed!

It will be a fun trip. Well, that is as long as Attison doesn’t decide she doesn’t want to be in her car seat. She’s usually really good about going places in the car. She just falls asleep, and doesn’t wake up until after we get home, no matter how many places we stop and go into along the way. As long as Atti is cooperative we should be fine.