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hypothetical situation (part3)

Thank you to everyone for the comments here and on Facebook, as well as the private messages and emails. Your thoughts, perspectives, and points of view have been very helpful, and I truly do appreciate them ~ and you!

And now, as Paul Harvey would say, the rest of the story:

The “hypothetical” story I wrote about here and here is true (to the best of my ability). It happened to me.  I am that best friend who was completely cut off. And I do mean completely. It is still a very painful subject for me ~ I think that’s why I had to write about it. It happened almost 3 years ago, and to this day I can’t talk about it without becoming tearful.

I pray for my friend every day. It has really been a lesson in forgiveness on my part. I’m not a very trusting person ~ it takes a lot for me to honest-to-goodness trust another human being. It’s not that I’m unfriendly or impersonal. I like to think I am friendly and personable, but there aren’t many people I implicitly trust. And that very small number has been reduced by one with the loss of my best friendship.

One day, about a year and a half after she just stopped talking to me, my friend finally returned one of my phone calls. I’m pretty sure what prompted her do that <insert small chuckle and slight shaking of head> was what I imagine to be a slightly panicked phone call from her youngest child (who was, at the time, an older teen) telling her I had called her house sobbing. It had been a while since I had tried to get a hold of her. It took me 6 months or so, but I did finally catch a clue and stop trying to get in touch with her. But that particular day was an especially difficult one, and I missed my friend so much that I broke down ~ in more ways than one ~ and dialed her phone number. She wasn’t home, but I did talk to her teenager. It had to have been obvious that I was crying, no matter how hard I tried to hide it. After learning she wasn’t at home, I simply asked her teen to let her know I had called. I really didn’t expect her to call me back, since she hadn’t returned any of my previous phone calls.

Surprisingly though, she did call me. She was at work and couldn’t talk for long, but she said she was calling to make sure I was okay. Wow ~ I was stunned. I told her that no, actually I wasn’t okay, and asked if maybe she could call me later that day after she got home. She said she would. And she did.

It wasn’t a very long conversation that evening, but it was long enough for her to tell me I hadn’t done anything to cause her to stop talking to me. That had been my biggest fear and concern. Then she told me about the leukemia, and about her decision to try this alternative method of treatment rather than dive right into chemotherapy. And then she told me that the main thing she had to do was to reduce the stress in her life, so she had cut just about everyone out. Including me.

I was shocked. On one hand, I wanted to chew her out for not telling me she had a life-threatening illness. On the other hand, I wanted to keep my voice calm and quite so as to not totally stress her out. I mean, even though she had hurt me deeply, I loved her as a sister. I was willing to forgive a year and a half’s worth of pain and tears at the drop of a hat simply for the opportunity to talk to her again.

We didn’t reconcile during that phone call. I don’t know why, other than what she told me ~ that it’s part of her alternative treatment that she maintain an extremely low threshold for stress.

I have struggled with forgiveness in this area of my life. I struggle with it daily ~ sometimes on a moment-by-moment basis. It would be so easy for me to become bitter. Actually, I  do have moments when I am bitter. But mostly I mourn the loss of a friendship ~ a friendship that was so dear to me that to this day its loss is immensely painful.

So what’s the lesson here? For me, the lesson has been that no matter what the circumstance or slight, I have to forgive. While my friend may never ask for my forgiveness, she has it. It has to be that way. I have to walk in love and forgiveness ~ otherwise I would become bitter. That bitterness would grow and grow, and probably take over my life.

Unforgiveness is ugly, folks. It becomes this monster that rules every part of a life. How do I know this? Experience. Lots of experience with people who don’t know forgiveness, or how to forgive.

I know that my friend is ill. I can only imagine the difficulties she is experiencing. I wish it were different ~ I wish I didn’t have to imagine what she is experiencing. I would prefer to know first hand as her best friend what she’s experiencing. I would prefer to have the last 34 months back and be able to share them with her.

I won’t (and don’t) let that stop me though. I know she knows I pray for her ~ that is one of the things she told me when we talked on the telephone a while back. And she knows that when she’s ready I’ll be here.

We are quickly approaching a time of year when we celebrate our thankfulness to God for His provision both on this earth and eternally. This time of year also seems to be the time of the greatest number of suicides. People can easily become depressed, or bitter, or feel overwhelmingly hurt by the circumstances or events in their life. It’s easy to do ~ with all of the television programs, commercials, billboards, magazine ads and online access, there is more exposure today than ever before to what Hollywood thinks Thanksgiving and Christmas should be. A modern day Norman Rockwellian holiday season. And yet I don’t know a single person who can truthfully claim that type of existence.

It would be easy for me to allow myself to wallow in bitterness and self-pity, and claim that since I lost one of the most important people and relationships in my life that the holidays are ruined.  As I review the past year, there are a lot of things I could claim to have ruined any kind of symbolic celebration of life and happiness. But that’s simply not the truth.

Instead, I choose to see past those things. I’m not saying I go about my life blindly pretending that everything is just hunky-dory, or that I  live in a Rockwellian-esque world. But I do have a God Who is bigger than anything and everything, and Who can do abundantly, exceedingly more than anything I could ever ask for, dream of, or even imagine. He heals the broken ~ broken people, broken relationships, broken lives. Does that mean God will repair my relationship with this particular friend? Possibly. But you know what? I’m okay with that, because I know that what He has planned is better than what I want. His best is infinitely beyond better than my best.

This same God is the God Who sent His only Son so that we ~ you and I ~ could have eternal life. He’s the One we’re to give thanks to ~ not just on Thanksgiving Day, or even just during the month of November. Every day should be a day of thanksgiving for those who believe, because we know we can never earn or deserve what He has given us. Every day should be the day when we count our blessings. Every day should also be the day we celebrate Christ’s birth and resurrection. We set aside a specific day in the year as a nation to give thanks, and a specific day to celebrate Christmas (which, by the way, breaks down to Christ Mas(s) which is the old way of saying Christ Celebration). But as believers in Christ Jesus as the Way, the Truth, the Bread of Life, the Living Water, the only way to salvation and eternal life with God, we have reason to give thanks and celebrate EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

During this season of reflection, take the time to list the reasons you have to be thankful. And if necessary, take the time to make a list of the things you need to take before the throne of God and lay at His feet. Practice repentance, which includes the turning away from sin and going in a new direction. And every time you’re tempted to relive or rehash whatever it is that you laid at His feet, remember this: God IS. Period. He IS. Bigger, better, more powerful, stronger,  smarter…insert your own word here…and He wants you, and me, to learn to lean on Him.

That’s what I’m trying to do, every single day. I pray you are, too.

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