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hypothetical situation (part 2)
If you missed “hypothetical situation (part 1), it may be helpful for you to read it here before going on to this post.
Please re-join me in imagining …
So, you’ve just been told you have leukemia. You’re feeling frightened by the diagnosis, but you’re also a bit relieved to at least know why you’ve been feeling terrible for a very long time.
You begin to do research. Lots and lots of research. Your degree in the medical field may not make you a doctor, but it did teach you how to research medical conditions ~ you’re pretty good at it. In fact, when the doctors told you your youngest child had Crohn’s disease, you researched it thoroughly and found a specific diet that actually helps the body heal itself. You’ve cooked, from scratch, everything your youngest child has eaten over the past 2 years, and the Crohn’s symptoms have completely disappeared. Basically, you rock at research.
You find some solid research that suggests there are ways to handle your disease without jumping right to chemotherapy. You discuss it with your doctor, and he agrees to let you give the alternative treatment a shot. There’s a specified time period in which you will follow alternative methods involving diet, exercise, stress reduction and stress control. According to all of the research you’re able to gather, stress reduction and stress control are VERY important aspects of this alternative treatment method.
You discuss with your husband ways in which you can reduce and control your stress level. One way will be to lessen your load at work. Your husband is a successful man who is self employed and has his own office with a small staff. You help out at his office, taking care of time-sensitive materials, but your main job is really to help your husband stay focused on what he needs to focus on. You’re his land line basically ~ hubby has a tendency to get bogged down, so you help him and his staff keep things moving along, meeting deadlines and handling peripheral situations. It’s easy enough for you to cut back on the amount of time and energy you spend at work. You will simply have to hire more office help as necessary, and train others to complete in a timely manner the jobs you would ordinarily handle.
Another decision you and your hubby make is to keep your illness pretty much under wraps. People are usually sympathetic and want help out when they hear someone is ill. You appreciate that sentiment, but since your disease involves an already compromised immune system, it’s probably better that you not have hordes of people around ~ you never know what kind of contagious illnesses others may have. You’ve lived in this same town for a loooooong time, and your husband’s occupation makes your family fairly well-known. Given these factors, you decide the fewer people who know you’re sick the better.
You’ll tell your kids, of course. And your parents. You should probably tell your siblings and their kids. But other than that, you’re not planning to spread the word.
Not even to your best friend.
And that leaves you with only one choice to make. You’ve got to stop talking to your best friend. Period. She knows you well, and she’ll instinctively pick up on the fact that you’re not telling her something. She already knows something is wrong, and she won’t let you just gloss things over and not talk about it. Even though she’s hundreds (closer to a thousand) miles away, you know she’ll know something’s up.
Besides, you think telling her would be too stressful. Your friend isn’t a drama queen by any means, but you know she won’t react well. She’ll probably want to come visit, which would add stress to your life, and right now the main goal is to reduce the amount of stress around you, not add to it. You love her dearly and you know she loves you as a sister, but you really think it would just be best to cut off all communications with her.
Your friend is a prayer warrior. At the very least you know she’ll be praying for you, even though she won’t know what’s going on.
Okay. Here we are at question time again: is cutting off all communication with your best friend the decision YOU would make?
I promise not to drag this out forever. Depending on what kind of comments and insights are offered, I think there will probably just be one more installment of “hypothetical situation.” Hang in there with me folks! Keep the comments coming ~ I really do appreciate them, more than I can say.
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3 Joyful Comments Shared to “hypothetical situation (part 2)”
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Nope, cutitng off communication is not the decisions “I” would make…because if we are truly best friends, I woudl assume she would honor the need for prayer but no visits etc. If we are best friends I would trust that she can handle the information and would want to know to support me.
However, as you know, there are probably no right answers here….so as a best friend I would try not to be hurt if not told….try not to feel robbed of time….because if friend A cut off all communication she would be robbing me of time spent with her……
You know there are no easy answers…but since you asked….No, I wouldn’ t handle it with my friends the way friend A is – I don’t think. And there’s the crux….we’re all different and I don’t really know HOW I’d handle such a thing as I’ve not had to.
No, cutting off the friendship is NOT the best choice to make, assuming that she can keep her mouth shut if requested. If this person is truly a friend, she will gladly share the load, be a sounding board as she always has been, be an even better prayer warrior as she knows what she’s praying about. It would be cruel to someone who truly cares about you to cut her off without a reason given. Be clear about the desire for less stress and the reasons for it–she will honor that. If things get worse, you’ll need all the support you can get. You can never have too many friends. True friends share the hard times as well as the good ones.
Again, not being in the situation is different, but I really don’t believe that I would cut off the relationship. If she were truly my BEST friend, I would tell her that the best thing she can do for me right here and now is to pray. I think I would let her know that when there was a more opportune time, I’d love to see her. But I would be open and honest with her.
Off to read part 3.