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is it september yet?
My husband has graciously purchased plane tickets for Attison and me to fly to Colorado in September. Can I tell you how much I am looking forward to this?! I haven’t been this excited about anything in quite a while. I wrote about it here, but it bears repeating. 
I have friends in Colorado who I hope to be able to see, and Roger and I have lots and lots of family there, too. Atti and I will be staying with family, and I’m quite sure Attison will be loved and spoiled there even more than she is here!
I checked AccuWeather’s normal averages in September for the area of Colorado we’re going to, and of course it seems like heaven to me ~ highs in the low 70s, lows in the high 30s, and normal averages in the mid 50s. I’m going to have to go clothes shopping for both myself and Attison before we leave ~ we’re going to need jeans and light jackets. We don’t usually buy those things in Arkansas until mid to late October.
I miss the mountains, and I miss cool weather. I’m so psyched (just dated myself with that, but there’s no other word that quite fits) to be able to go on a little trip. I wish we were all going, but with both boys in school and Roger’s job, the only way I was going to escape Arkansas anytime in the next year or so was if I went without the guys.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to my sweet hubby for sending me (and Attison) off for a few days ~ and thank you, thank you, thank you to our wonderful family who have agreed to let us invade their space for a little while. Knowing I’m going to be near real mountains and be in cooler weather soon has brightened my outlook ~ and has awakened the little excitement butterflies in my stomach!
john 14:27 and peace
John 14:27 reads:
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
I must confess, I have not felt very peaceful lately. I’ve been worried about one thing or another, situations that are far beyond my control. Turmoil has been the most prevalent feeling in my life recently. My heart has been troubled, and I have been afraid.
Yesterday God kept pointing out to me all the times that He has said that He already has everything planned out, that He cares about me, I should shelter under His wings, and that no matter what happens He will use it for my good. He knows everything that goes on in my life, in my head and in my heart. He knows the number of hairs on my head (which also makes me believe He knows exactly how many hairs I lose every single time I run my fingers or a brush through my hair!) ~ even the number of hairs on my head is important to Him. He is concerned with the minutia and the monumental.
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. ~ John 16:33
Peace, peace, peace. That’s what I’m concentrating on. God’s Word is full of reminders of His peace. In Christ we (I) find peace and joy ~ in the world, trouble and affliction. But the victory belongs to Christ. Praise Him, and all glory be to God!
it has been suggested…
Over the past week alone, 17 people (I truly have kept track!) have suggested I write a book about my adoption/reunion experience. Part of my struggle with how much to write on this blog is because these 17 people are not the first 17, by a long shot, who have suggested that very thing.
I know that writing about the issues I’ve faced and dealt with regarding releasing my daughter for adoption, locating her 19 years later, and all of the events that have happened since she and I reunited will open up not just me but my entire family to scrutiny. My concern about the scrutiny is not for myself ~ my concern is for those who are in my life who will also be placed in the line of fire.
I don’t have a problem airing my personal dirty laundry in a public forum ~ really, I don’t. And I know just from some of the comments I’ve been forced to moderate here on my blog that there are plenty of people who have plenty to say about my “dirty laundry.” I’ve been told that I have no right to raise my granddaughter. I’ve been told I am a hypocrite for supporting parental rights when I “gave up” my first child. I’ve been blamed for everything from the price of gasoline to the fact that the sun sets in the west. It’s amazing how easy it is for people who don’t know the whole story to throw blame around.
All of that I can handle. I’m an extremely sensitive person, but I also know what is appropriate for me to be sensitive about, and what’s not. Truly, the price of gasoline and the fact that the sun sets in the west are not my fault. And there’s always more to the story than can be told in one, or even ten, sittings.
What I’m concerned about is the backlash to the rest of my family and my friends ~ even to my ex-husband and his family.
I have no desire to garner favor or fame for myself. But again and again I’m told that there are others out there who are experiencing the same kind of trials and triumphs I’ve gone through (and I’m still going through). I’ve been reminded that my story may very well help others to see that they are not alone, and that it is possible to weather the storms of life without drowning.
So, how do I share my story and what’s in my heart without exposing my family and friends to the possible ugliness that may be waiting to pounce? My initial reaction is to go into protective mama mode and say that the good that may come from sharing my story could very well be overshadowed by the negativity from other people. People who, I would venture a guess, really don’t have any kind of experience with what my story involves and who probably shouldn’t have anything negative to say (but inevitable will).
How do I share who I am, what I’ve learned, and what I know that could help others without opening the flood dams and endangering those who are closest and dearest to me?
Edited later to add: ultimately, this whole thing is not about me, my friends and family, those who may be helped, or even those who will have nothing positive to say. It’s about God. It always has been. I know God will accomplish what He plans to accomplish through all of this ~ Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!
tmi?
How much information is too much information? I mean, I want to be real on my blog, but I feel at times that I really shouldn’t be completely honest because, quite honestly, the DRAMA in my life over the past year and a half or so has been ridiculously overwhelming.
I’m trying to strike a balance here between being “real” and being non-depressing. I’m not depressed by any means, but to tell the entire story of the events of the past year and a half, but more specifically the past 9 months, would probably exhaust most people even to simply read it.
So, how far is acceptable in the real/honest department? Any advice you all can give would be greatly appreciated!
mountains in about a month
The other day I was a mess. A blubbering, sobbing, wailing mess. I was having one of “those” days I guess ~ I felt a tad overwhelmed, and the glass-is-half-empty mentality kicked in.
After the evening duties were finished, I sat down to tell Roger about my tearful day. After listening very patiently, as he usually does, he looked me in the eye and said, “Would you like to take a trip to Colorado?”
I could have jumped up and kissed the man! Actually, I do believe I gave him a hug and a kiss at that point. Then I told him how I had been contemplating packing up the Suburban and driving to Colorado. I knew Roger wouldn’t be able to go with me because of his job (we do need to eat), and Sawyer would already be moved in at school (another story for another day), so I figured I’d just pack Attison up and take a long drive. Atti is a good traveler so I wasn’t worried about that ~ but Arkansas to Colorado is a very long drive for just one person.
It has been a while since I’ve been on a vacation. I’ve been in Arkansas for 4 years now, and I’m desperately needing a break from the heat and humidity. Roger’s US Air Force Academy class reunion is taking place in late September, and I had hoped we would be able to go to that. But with the new job, Roger’s not going anywhere for a while. The loss of the 20th anniversary cruise, as well as not taking the 2-night stay at a fancy hotel in Little Rock, combined with the knowledge that we wouldn’t be going to Colorado this September really had me bummed.
Thankfully I am married to one of the best men on the planet. He sees when I’m truly at capacity for handling drama, disappointment, loss, and summers in the south. And believe me, I am at capacity. My occasional escape of hanging out with my friend Janice and her daughters has turned into a daily occurance. Roger could see I desperately needed a diversion!
The mountains have always been a balm to me. The sight of the Rockies (both American and Canadian) never fails to take my breath away, and even the thought of heading to the mountains makes my little heart go pitter-pat.
We haven’t set a firm date yet, but I can tell you I will be heading to Colorado in September. Attison and I will fly, most likely into Denver, where Roger’s dad and step-mom will meet us. I’m also hoping to be able to see my niece and meet her boyfriend while we’re there, and see Roger’s mom and step-dad as well. Then there are the myriad branches of the Anderson family tree who mostly inhabit Colorado ~ I would love to see as many of them as I possibly can.
And those of you who are my bloggy friends who live in Colorado, you have not been forgotten! I’m not sure what my transportation situation will be like ~ you may have to come spend a day on the ranch in the San Luis Valley with me, but if we can make it work we certainly will.
Woo hoo for Colorado! Oh, by the way, do those of you who live in Colorado think you may be able to order up some nice Colorado weather while I’m there? I truly do love highs in the low- to mid-70’s (or cooler), and lows in the 40’s. A few fall colors on the trees, some nice cool weather, and mountains with snow on top ~ the perfect setting. Nonetheless, even without those things, I will be absolutely delighted to be there!
